Dingo-Sting Malingo
by jachilli
I accidentally ordered some nachos when we were at Origins this year and this is what they gave me. While waiting on a trip to LA, I ordered some nachos — intentionally — and this is what they gave me. Go to the ballpark (if you’re crappy and like baseball) and order nachos and this is what they’ll give you.
People, these are not nachos. These are grocery-store corn chips with some petrochemical goo served either on the side or drizzled apocalyptically over the top. Most of the time they are made of poison, but sometimes poison is merely an ingredient.
The number-one condiment in the United States is salsa. That’s right. You’d think that a nation that so readily embraces the topping culture of another country would at least apply some degree of stringency to its culinary art. No deal. Right here, you have the Platonic ideal of nachos, the essence of nachos. As a people, we have wholeheartedly accepted debasement of the nacho despite an obvious affection for the higher things as evidenced by our love of salsa.
To my Mexican peoples, I am deeply sorry.
To the barons of the American nacho industry, it’s on. Hell hath no fury like the country’s newest superhero, Doc Nacho. I will not rest until I at least get some diced tomatoes or some onions on top of the iconic nationwide nacho.
No, those desiccated little jalapenos don’t count.
Garfed
Something is garfed…everywhere there should be an apostrophe “‘” there is a “’”.
I blame that crappy Mac.
Tastebud LIberation Front
A war has been waged in the shadows for too long — hundreds of enlightened Americans have been planning a strike against the tyranny of prepackaged flavor (or lack thereof). Fists, cleavers and lobster bibs held high, the TLF shall not rest until the Land of the Free to Eat Poison is liberated from the yoke of processed cheese and that-glowing-red-toxic-spring-roll-sauce. Yes, brethren, we shall wage war on all spongy bread, ketchup and spam!
Join us in our struggle, liberate your taste buds, savor the alligator steak, chew on the ostrich and lemur flank! The foods of the world are ours to devour!
V
Nachos
I LOVE mexican food.
I have never liked the “nachos” you get at all those places.
I think its a sin.
Re: Garfed
actually it would be the font set you have on your web browser that is “garfing” up your viewing the page correctly.
especially since i see the apostrophes just fine, and i’m using linux. ;)
Re: Nachos
Whenever a bad plate of nachos is served, an angel loses its wings.
Don’t eat them. You’ll make god cry.
Impressive..
I’ve been known to rant and complain about things. But I have to admit, I’ve never really ranted about nachos. Above and beyond pointing out that I’m not going to stick anything that smells and looks (and and probably tastes) like a nacho in my mouth. Yet I’ve been conned and cajoled into eating nachos a few times. They didn’t really taste any worse than I expected them to. No, what got to me was that vile cheese sauce. My god, the cheese! It’s so incredibly vile. If nachos are made of poison, I don’t even want to know what the cheese sauce is made of, although I’ve heard more than a few creative guesses.
If you actually do somehow manage to overthrow the Nacho Nazis, do me a favor, and make sure the cheese sauce gets better. At least nachos don’t give me a sensation of being a vile semi-sentient protoplasmic entity that’s forcing its way down my throat, leaving a slimy residue behind wherever it passes. Nachos just crunch.
Then there’s the topic of squishy, non-crunchy nachos, but I’m not even touching on that. That’s just too vile. Even for me.
Try Shari’s, if you have any down there. Their nachos are rad, but the salsa is downright flaccid.
nachoidiots
If you were a real Texan you’d know that nachos are not real mexican food at all.there are quit a few things ya’ll order that are at best Texmex.
Re: Garfed
He fixed it, that’s why.
Do you a Baja Fresh, or an Una Mas by where you live? Maybe it’s because I’m in California, but yeah, we’ve got the meximerican cooking pretty down.
Try the nachos at those places next time you’re in the state. Good stuff.
|Ren|