1. Eat three crackers and try to whistle a song. If someone tells you, “You can’t whistle while eating crackers,” blow masticated cracker-saliva pulp all over him.
2. Ask a dude if his drink’s okay. If he asks for a vodka drink, mix the drink for him but secretly substitute gin for the vodka.
3. Try to think of someone more boring than Jennifer Garner. It can’t be done.
4. Say four words over and over again. Congratulations! You’re playing the popular party game “Write a Rage Against the Machine Song”!
5. Pass your pocketknife among as many party guests as possible. Don’t forget to get your knife back, though. It never hurts to have several sets of fingerprints on a knife.