Justin Achilli

Month: May, 2005

More Music Review Haiku!

If you missed the first one, too late, as I’ve copied over the files. These are more recent, anyway. Well, most of them.


Nine Inch Nails, With Teeth

This guy’s albums all
Sound exactly the same just
Like Lenny Kravitz.


System of a Down, Mezmerize

This is a real band?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA.


Weezer, Make Believe

“Smart rock” always makes
People who are older than
Twenty roll their eyes.


The Raveonettes, Pretty In Black

Quirky bands aren’t
Supposed to be this good but
Denmark-Motown glides.


Wham!, The Best of Wham!: If You Were There
People often laugh
At Wham! — but they know all their
Songs. Why? Wham! is rad.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

cute emo boy at waffle house on mansell – w4m – 23

Reply to: xxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-05-07, 2:14AM EDT

i saw you tonight a little after midnight at the waffle house on mansell..

you~ dark hair, glasses, blue [i think?] t-shirt.. drinking coffee and smoking, sitting at a booth near the door with your friends..

me~ short reddish blonde hair, purpley-pink glasses, denim jacket.. eating toast and sitting at a booth with my friends near the cash register.

i kept looking at you.. and i think i saw you sneaking glimpses of me while talking to your friends. you were cute. maybe we can meet up over grits sometime.

Every time I describe craigslist to people, I refer to their “missed connections” section as the place where emo douches cry about being too shy to confront objects of their affection while waiting in line at Hardee’s. I love when examples validate me.

Miracles

According to tradition, a Basilian monk who was celebrating Mass in the Latin rite in the church of St. Legonziano in Lanciano [During the early Middle Ages — Justin], began to doubt the real presence of Christ under the sacred species after the consecration. At that very moment, the priest saw how the sacred host was transformed into human flesh and the wine into blood, which later coagulated. Today these relics are kept in the cathedral.

On Nov. 18, 1970, Dr. Edoardo Linoli analyzed the remains of “miraculous flesh and blood” and concluded that it was human myocardial tissue and genuine blood, respectively.

Iconic Unraveling


I saw Peter Murphy in concert last night. He looked like Phyllis Diller.

It was very quiet, for a concert. I could have a talking-volume conversation with Eric and Nicole. Conversely, the loudest band I ever heard perform was Love and Rockets.

Also, I invented a terrible new drink. It has no name (it doesn’t deserve one), but it’s equal parts apple juice and Brazilian pinga. Sweet mother of crap, what a nauseous concoction.

Two Morsels of Cynicism

1) Michael Irvin is playing a criminal in the remake of The Longest Yard. Apparently, his years on the Cowboys served as method acting research.

2) The Republicans, who constantly accuse the Democrats of partisan politics, are pushing through the Bolton UN nomination regardless of the fact that key members of their party on the Foreign Relations Committee think he’s completely inappropriate for the job. Senator John Voinovich (R-OH) says that Bolton is a “poster child of what someone in the diplomatic corps should not be,” in addition to describing him as “arrogant” and “bullying.” “This administration can do better than that,” he adds. So why the fuck are you giving this clown an approval?

Richard Lugar (R-IN, who just happens to be the chairman of the approvals panel) has this sterling appraisal of Bolton: “His blunt style alienated some colleagues. But there is no evidence that he has broken laws or engaged in serious ethical misconduct.” Those are his qualifications? That’s what makes him the best choice for UN Ambassador? He’s the best man for the job because he hasn’t been to jail? How on earth is this not “partisan politics”? How on earth is this not blatant corruption and utter disregard for checks and balances? And why hasn’t Tom DeLay been tarred and feathered and run out of the country?

What a Headline!

Hold me close now, Tony Danza.

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